God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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