i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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