does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize