I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
