I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
