Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
