I'm laying in your front yard are you home
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize