Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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