aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
