I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
