he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
