dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
