the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
