My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize