I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize