Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
