Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
