Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
