You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
