I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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