were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
