Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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