my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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