Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
