She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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