take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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