Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
