OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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