Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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