Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
