you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
