how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
only if we run a train.
done.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The power of my boobs compel you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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