Non-Jews are for practice
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
