"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
