We're facebook friends in real life
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
