VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
