Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
