i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
