Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
