"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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