I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
