I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
