I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
