i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
