saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
