I need to stop coming to work sober
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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