My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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