good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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