We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
