i need an iv and a liver transplant
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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