I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
