3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
