Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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