Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
