shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
