I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
