yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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