from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
