Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
