he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
