i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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