Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
