Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
