Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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