The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
