apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
