my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
my poor anus
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
