i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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