When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
