I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
