please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
