Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
