apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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