...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
