So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
