Already got asked if we're dating
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize