mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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