I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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