i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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