Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Terrible idea I love it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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