I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
