guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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