hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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