That's when you crack a 10am beer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
