Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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