we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
